Fear

My latest Poem. Its about the worst flare of my life. This deep painful seemed to never end head to toes and every place in between 2 year flare was the worst time of my life. No RA meds, no pain meds nor steroids touched this flare.  I thought my life was over. I became completely helpless and dependent on my husband and family to do everything.  I was deeply depressed and going down hill very fast.  Simplest things became ....impossible! And every day since..I live..in fear that the pain may get that awful again! 

Fear

Not long ago my RA flared to the point of misery. No breaks ..no relief..all it did was give me such grief. At only 30 ...I thought my life was over...was done . Even though I fought  it ..it always won. The pain so intense all I wanted was to lay and cry. Laying there wondering why?!?!??  Why did it have to be this way...every minute out of every day. The pain so bad I just wanted to die ..because living like this felt like me saying good bye. Little by little the pain chipped away at my soul. Bit by bit the pain took its toll.  I couldn't dress myself...or comb my hair...I couldn't care for myself  and always needed someone there. How can nothing phase the pain? How can it be so intense every damn day? How can nothing help me? How can this be? I knew giving up wasn't an option for me. Even though I wanted to so badly. I had two kids who needed there Mom so giving into that pain was just no option. So everyday Id do the best that I could ...and tried to do the things a good Momma should. Thank God for my husband who was there everyday. Thank God for his kindness and understanding ways. He gave me strength when all I wanted was to give up. He was there for me when I thought I was done. Always encouraging me and whispering to me..when I cried...don't give up now  " this too shall subside"  living in fear that it might come back. But I know I just cant live like that. So I do my best with each passing day to enjoy the good and push the fears away.

June 21,2014

Tracy Pierce