The Beginning of the End ( of Life as I Knew It )

The beginning of the end ( of life as I knew it)... My first memory of an RA symptom was when I was 15 and I remember hanging out with my friends at the high school football games, the cool night air, laughing and just being a kid and I would start to notice my shoulders would start getting stiff and very sore to the point I could hardly move them by the time the next morning came that was it I couldn't move my arms.  What the crap was wrong with me?  I hadn't injured my shoulders in any way so why was i unable to move my arms and why did my shoulders hurt so insanly bad??  This symptom would come and go over the next few years till I hit 18 & I remember I started having pain in my wrists & shoulders then as a little more time goes by my knees get involved &  by the time I was 21 I knew this pain was not going away it was only spreading more and more throughout my body and the pain was getting more and more intense.
I'm 21 what could possible be wrong with me so young.  I talked to my primary doctor several times and was instructed that i just wasn't stretching well enough after walking track the day before and he put me on some Vioxx.  Ahh, Vioxx I was on this drug for what, i had no idea, all i knew was it worked....well at first anyways.
As time passes by the pain keeps spreading to more and more joints and is now in my hands, wrists, elbows, knees and feet.  Something was wrong!  Something wasn't right!  Why wouldn't my primary doctor listen to me when I would plead with him that something was wrong with me.
I saw a bone doctor because as far back as age 15 I can remember the long bones in my arms when my shoulders would lock up would hurt so insanly bad i couldn't stand it.  Of course he did the exam and x-rays and found nothing.  Phoewy!  Here I am again no answers. 
So a little more time goes by and the RA begins to attack my feet with avengenance, I might add,  to the point of barely being able to walk. So I was referred to a podiatrist.  I remember still saying under my breathe while being lead to x-rays at the podiatrist office..." ouch, ouch, ouch," with every little step i would have to take was excrusiating.  Once again x-rays and tests were done with still no answer.  But this one doctor finally said something to me that no other doctor ever said.  You need to see a Rheumatologist.
I was like a Rheuma what??  Whats a Rheumatologist??  I had no clue at 24 what that was. So on to doctor number #4. The day finally came my appointment with my Rheumatologist the day that would change my life forever.
I remember setting in the waiting room nervous and scared as to what the doctor might tell me.  I was in no way prepared for this visit.  The visit that will shake me to my core.  I remember going back to see the doctor and they did bloodwork , x-rays and an exam. 
Alot of the same stuff the other doctors had done in the past but his answer was different this time.  It wasn't the norm.  It wasn't I can't find anything wrong with you that i had gotten for years.  This doctor would utter the four words that would forever change my life and throw my world up side down...." You have Rheumatoid Arthritis".....I sat on the exam table looking at him like...what?  I can't have RA!  I'm too young to have that.  After he gave me the diagnosis i had longed to find but now had and didn't want he started into the whole spill of what Rheumatoid Arthrtitis was.  The joint deformitities, wheelchair, chronic dibilitating pain for the rest of my life.  This was all so much to take in my head was spinning and for a moment it was like I had gone deaf.  I could hear the doctor talking but I couldn't make out what he was saying my head was swirling with thoughts. RA, deformities, wheelchairs , disability.  What was happening.  How could my life have just changed so fast?? 
As the doctor rambles on about how horrible RA is he starts into this whole spill of asking ME....yes I said asking ME... the 24 year old that knows nothing about RA and just found out two minutes ago she had it  he starts asking me repeatly " Which medicine do you want to go on"?  I'm like wtc Idk??   I'm still in shock!!  He keeps rambling well you can start on Methotrexate and it is a chemotherapy drug and it will cause hair loss, nausea, loss of energy etc etc or you can go on plaquenil but it can damage your eyes and you have to have an eye exam ever 6 months to make sure it isn't damaging your eyes any and so on and so on .  I'm getting so overwhelmed at this point I can hardly think.  I just had to get the heck outta there before I lost it.  I didn't decide on anything that day.  How could i decide what medicine to go on?  This was all so much to take on in such a short amount of time.
I no more than got out the door to slump down into my driver seat and just burst into tears for all the information i was just given was just so overwhelming.
How do you process all that information at once??  .....Simply put.....You can't.   This was gonna take some time to absorb some time to process and figure out what to do next.